Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)
A large nail will protrude from a floor, causing you great distress. This will be caused by a mischievous fey, whose wild magic is directly against the iron in the nail, and as a consequence, will attempt to unseat your earthly nature.
Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)
You will be left out in the rain, leading to a terrible cold. Your air-spirit companion will leave you, causing shortness of breath and fatigue. The only way to get this spirit back is an enticement of apple pie.
Pisces (February 19 – March 20)
A black cat will cross your path, glaring and hissing. Get your rabies vaccine ASAP.
Aries (March 21 – April 19)
A poltergeist may unscrew your lightbulbs or flip your breakers. Your usual impulsive nature must be tempered, as a professional electrician, not an exorcist, is your best bet.
Taurus (April 20 – May 20)
Stubbornly, you will continue to avoid getting that spot checked out. You know the one. You should probably go see a doctor, lest the demon take over completely.
Gemini (May 21 – June 20)
Don’t blame your actions on your evil twin this Halloween. Your doppelganger is actually the good one, and you are the replacement.
Cancer (June 21 – July 22)
Moody spirits may fill you. Let them fill you, and learn to channel their otherworldly energy. With this power you will become unstoppable, able to make true change. However, your ability to do things you regret will be more powerful than ever.
Leo (July 23 – August 22)
You will be visited by a servant of the dark powers, offering a tempting bargain. You might be able to give up your future to help another. Weigh this heavily.
Virgo (August 23 – September 22)
Your mental facilities will be very strong with the upcoming Venus Moon. Take this time to branch out as your poetry, art, and writing will be strongest this Halloween. Your thoughts will not truly be your own, though.
Libra (September 23 – October 22)
If you are an organ donor, when you pass to the other side, a scientist will use your brain for an experiment. This might awaken new life, and raise you from the dead. History is written by the Victor.
Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)
Jealousy might be an issue for you this Halloween. Share candy, and share your fright. Let people know that you are scared, and don’t feel left out if others have fun. If you aren’t a vampire, invite yourself in.
Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)
You might be tempted to set off on your own this Halloween, setting off into uncharted territory. If you feel lost, it’s because you have entered the Labyrinth. Beware the minotaur and find the thread that will guide you out.
(These are mostly made up and not based on science. Axestrology horoscopes are just for fun.)
Article By Emmett Coughlan