When arriving at school on April 1 after Spring Break, South senior Paige Turner was shocked to walk into school and feel well rested.
“I can’t remember the last time I felt this good,” Turner stated. “The last time I woke up and made it to school without feeling tired… I can’t remember when.”
Turner claimed they felt calm, relaxed, lively, elated, and reinvigorated
“Waking up and feeling ready for the day: I didn’t know something like this happened anymore. The idea that I could ever wake up and feel ready to take on the day just seems strange. I still can’t believe it,” Turner continued.
Subsequent interviews with other students only created a stronger case for Turner’s excitement.
“I don’t even know what half those things mean,” South junior Drew Ski said. “I haven’t had a lot of time to think about my sleep or anything like that between school and sports and homework and exam prep and…”
Unfortunately Ski’s interview was cut off because they fell asleep during the interview.
Turner was excited to tell their friends about their rare condition.
“I ran over to ask them when the last time they’d felt this good, but they just stared at me, blankly, like what I said was a bad joke. It was like talking to a bunch of zombies,” Turner said.
Unfortunately this is all too common among South students. Blank stares, eye bags, and low energy are all commonplace in the halls and classrooms of South.
“It’s strange, you know? It feels like I’m on cloud nine, while everyone else is at rock bottom,” Turner, still confused by their friend’s response, said. “In one of my classes I saw someone sleeping and usually that’d be me; but today I could never. I haven’t even had any caffeine because I didn’t need it!”
Turner claimed that they had all their homework done and they were ready for all of their upcoming midterms. When this claim was brought up in the newsroom many student journalists were incredulous.
“I don’t believe it,” student journalist Elliott Gardner said. “There’s no way anyone can do that.”
After the interview Turner was seen skipping jubilantly and whistling a cheerful tune. At the sight, perplexing as a flying pig, many were aghast. Others simply struggled to suppress yawning and to keep their eyes open.
Article by Ty Jones