Setting Less-Great Expectations

High  standards,  low  projections,  and  how  to  avoid  those  same  old   disapointments.

Every year, when the clock strikes midnight on January 1, we enter an era where possibilities seem endless, and nothing is deemed irrevocable. We fall endlessly in love with the feeling of hope for a fresh start. It’s a period of time that seems to rely entirely on promises and change. But this feeling never lasts very long. Every year, so much aspiration and expectation is put into that simple change in the date and, ultimately, the self-loathing that comes with the simple mistake of being too busy to follow strict goals. Eventually, though, we must admit the truth – promises can be changed, and expectations can be lowered. We can grow and learn the most curious things about ourselves and others in the failures of these hopes and wishes.

Nevertheless, within these failures, we tend to find the most disappointment in ourselves and resist searching for the opportunities that come with such difficulties. As people, forcing such high expectations on such small goals doesn’t help us to grow or reach our goals but rather prevents us from achievement. So why do we hold such high expectations for ourselves that leave us with the disappointment of not reaching our goals when we could instead hold high standards and find pride in the fact that we reached those standards?

It is a general habit that we hold the new year to symbolize the fresh start needed for self-improvement. But why? It seems that the pressure to make and reach these goals is not beneficial for the average person. Recently, Forbes found that 62 percent of U.S. adults feel pressured to create New Year’s resolutions. Yet only 9 percent of these individuals hold onto their New Year’s resolutions until the end of the year (Fisher School of Business, 2023). It appears most U.S. adults feel the obligation to change and make resolutions in the new year. However, the ironic side effect of the nature of humanity is that we often find ourselves less inclined to reach goals once we set them. It tends to be a natural instinct to not let ourselves down any more than we already have. And it is precisely this custom of creating high expectations, only to find disappointment, that is proof enough that expectations must remain low, simply for sanity’s sake.

It is distinctly and indisputably possible to cherish the regret we find in allowing ourselves to make mistakes; we just tend to avoid confronting them. It’s been ingrained in us from childhood, but we ignored it then, and we ignore it now: “Learn from your mistakes.” Fundamentally, it’s much easier to look the other way and give up when we make mistakes, but using it as an incentive to improve is much more effective. When one makes a resolution or a goal, they tend to tie an emotional weight to it, which can make missing a day or messing up soul-crushing; we end up looking at ourselves as failures. It is precisely this emotional response that ends up as a sabotage in the end. 

However, when we set standards high and expectations low, we surprise ourselves and end up being proud rather than disappointed. When you set a goal and tell yourself, “This is the goal, I’m going to try to reach it,” rather than “This is the goal, I’m going to reach it,” you might find yourself surprised and ecstatic once you do reach that goal and much less disappointed if you don’t. 

By Siobhan Barrett

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